Warm Thyself

 https://www.newyorker.com/science/elements/can-you-warm-yourself-with-your-mind

RIP Neil, Richard

In the span of a few days, I learned about the deaths of two acquaintances (one hopes they considered me a friend, but was never sure), Richard Watts (d. 11/29/23), and Neil Becker (d. 9/11/24). Richard I had known since 2004, and Neil since 2012. You might call them "old souls", but each was singular, strong, tall, cranky/curmudgeonly, smokers, and of similar age. Kind of giants in their own way -- they loomed over you, skin ashy from decades of smoking. In another life, they might have been cousins. Richard maintained a highly curated antique shop called Oddities and Such, smoked cigarettes in front with the furniture put out for sale, often in his rocking chair, which while adult-size, looked too small for his lanky frame, and drank 2-liters of diet cola and ate moon pies and oatmeal pies for his meals (he had lived with his mother until she passed five years ago). Neil owned a Volvo mechanic shop named Becker Auto. Both had definite opinions about things (Neil's shop was posted with a lot of hand-written Dos and Don't like the rules at Kenny Shopsin's: "No outside car parts for cars after 1974!"), and a lot of chutzpah (Richard knew I was Jewish and would lecture me antisemitically about Israel). Richard loved to talk, and Neil was pretty terse and skeptical, peering down at you through his square glass frames. Richard died suddenly in his sleep of a heart attack at age 70, and Neil of a short (2.5 month), but devastating bout of cancer that started in his lungs and moved to his spine. Both worked their craft until shortly before they died (Neil was still working in June), with little or no time outside of the shop.

How does one make sense of such a thing? Were they owed something more, some deeper purpose, a vacation even, or is it fitting to go out doing the thing that was one's life's work? Did they get everything they wanted? Did they know that they were loved, and is it just me that is still searching for answers since I was never able to say goodbye?

David Blaine's Breathwork

 

Avebury Henge

 

RIP Fred Jameson

“It seems to be easier for us today to imagine the thoroughgoing deterioration of the earth and of nature than the breakdown of late capitalism,” he wrote in “The Seeds of Time” (1994). “Perhaps that is due to some weakness in our imaginations.”

 https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/23/books/fredric-jameson-dead.html

I’m kind of loving the rewilding of Northgate Park.

The sorrow at leaving my city fades

before the old joy of being in new mountains.

– Wang Wei (d. 761)
couplet from ‘Arriving at Ba Gorge in the Morning’

RIP Irma

https://provincetownindependent.org/obituaries/2024/07/02/former-shop-owner-and-author-irma-ruckstuhl-dies-at-93/

Mandukya Upanishad

https://archive.org/details/thirteenprincipa028442mbp/page/390/mode/2up?view=theater

Barbecue Man

 https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/11/nyregion/nyc-costs-brisket-sandwich.html

Long Covid

 https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/12/14/opinion/my-life-with-long-covid.html

 

Boomer wealth transfers will only exacerbate stratification. 

The end of content?

Ezra Klein and Nilay Patel: Minute 22:30

 A love is one to whom you may be yoked without compassion.

W. G. Sebald

 

quizzo

things I love:

the kiddo; the earth; small houses; good glassware; R; family; dogs; warm days; snow; salty snacks; expensive incense; pretty earrings; the first day of school; hot bread; a lover's look; big leaves; opennness.

things I hate:

vines that swallow up trees; small hive beetles; rejection; misbehaved dogs; capitalism; too strong incense; judgement; violence; violent cops; prison industrial system; burned out teachers; erosion; trustafarians; lazy writing.

people I admire:

mom and dad; T Monk; Coltrane; Hendrix; Radiohead; DJ Shadow; Sun Ra; Alvin Caplan; Rabbi Chiel; Ms. Romaine; Bill Hohenstein; Julianne; Kabeera

essential questions:

who am I? what will be the future? what is the nature of gastronomy, beauty? how does one write well? what will be after I'm gone? would anyone have true compassion for me? what is animal consciousness like?

five words to live by:

existentialism; romance; enlightenment; spirit; death.

Sense and Nonsense, Conviction and Cowardice

Junichiro Tanazaki: In Praise of Shadows

In Praise of Shadows

The Opt-Out Generation

Speech to text generation

AI

I have been working on the writing of Gilles Deleuze for over 15 years, and so it is interesting to see his theories manifest in the computational science of AI neural networks and large language models.

If there has been a touch of anxiety and existential dread to 2023, it is because AI that could easily pass a Turing test has been created, leaving us to admit that our brains, our consciousness, maybe even our sentience is more biological, material, and mechanical than we ever believed. In essence, what is special about us, and are we evolving towards a future where our co-habitation and maybe even integration with AI will fundamentally upend what we thought it meant to be human?

my love

 

Spiritual Ascent

The hypothesis is that if we are going to live fulfilling lives, we must prioritize spiritual fulfillment: rest, caring, love, tenderness, fun, joy, weakness, pain, growth, community, communion with nature, exercise, etc. I would say that "back in the day", many people got these things mainly through religion. They also got the bad parts as well: guilt, shame, dominance, ignorance, violence, trauma, brainwashing, war, sexism, classism, racism, etc.

Religiosity, in my day-to-day, and in that of many of my peers, is minimally impactful. I don't go to minyan, or even pray every morning. Even beyond religion, I rarely engage spirituality actively. I often prioritize work, family obligations, friend obligations, social media, travel, consumerism, video games, housework, TV, restaurants, etc. ahead of any kind of meaningful spiritual fulfillment.

I must prioritize the things that are actually improving my spiritual fulfillment, and question the value of everything else. The idea that there is not enough time is a straw man. I was lying in bed doing transformational breathing, and I hit the 20-minute mark, and I had 10 minutes left to go, and I felt a real pang of guilt that I was spending a whole thirty minutes on this indulgent exercise and then, as my palms and legs tingled and I became lightheaded, I realized that anything else I did today, or even this week might not be as important as this moment of self-love and exploration. Challenging myself to breathe continuously for thirty minutes, having a mild out-of-body experience is exactly where I wanted to be. Everything else can piss off.

It begins with practice. Spirituality is not something to be engaged, thankfully, in the abstract. It is lived through. What are the practices that I will calendar to engage in this, and will I make it the priority, or will I let other obligations get in the way? How deep can I go into my mind and intellectualism? Where will it take me?